Eruptions

It is the last day of the month. Typically, for me, this day would be uneventful..... so uneventful!

However, I woke up this morning and discovered a few things that would make my day a living hell!

As I was rubbing my eyes to wakeful bliss, I felt a sudden pain right at the corner of my left eye. Yup, it is a sty--the pimply thing that appears on our - you guessed it - eyes! And boy, does it hurt. Local folklore has it that you can get a sty through peeping. Trust me, the last time I peeped was... oh well.... yesterday? If you would consider that peeping! I was merely marveling at how some ladies passing by the street wore T-back and some wore regular panties, and how some were bunched up in the.... well, you know what I mean. Technically, it is not peeping. But that is just how far it goes. Now I wonder, where did I get this wretched sty of mine? Now I couldn't wear contact lenses, which have a uniform grade of +325. I have to walk in a blur wearing my glasses, whose lenses are graded at +275. Oh, and by the way, my eyes are +400. You could just imagine the haziness I am in today. All because of this damn sty.

So I went to the bathroom to do my morning rituals. To my horror, I saw another volcanic threat ready to erupt. In fact, I saw two of them, and yes, they are painful as well! Two pimples-- one on my right cheek, and the other on the corner of my nose! Talk about teenage woes! The thing is, I am way past my teenage years! In fact, I am about 8 years past my teenage years! Damn!

I just wish that things will look brighter from hereon. I don't know if I can take another eruption, wherever it may be. This is too much for someone who doesn't get eruptions often.

So, does anybody here have tea tree oil?

Letters and Dreams

I had a very tiring weekend, so to say.

I had three hours of badminton game last Friday, one hour last Saturday and two hours yesterday. Amidst all the energy lost in these games, I also lost some sleep time over the weekend. I slept at 2 am on Friday, 4 am on Saturday, and 2 am yesterday.

This is probably the reason why I feel so drained today. Top it off with a helping of parental sermons and you have a perfect mix of life-fatigue syndrome. Midlife crisis? Probably -- if I would consider 54 as my dying age.

Back to feeling drained. As soon as I took my place in front of my computer this morning, I couldn't feel anything but sheer sleepiness. My eyes were droopy and my body was limp. I was practically lifeless.

So I had some editing jobs to do. It is a good thing that proofreading and editing now entails the use of a computer. Otherwise, if it were done on paper, I would have practically struck out all the lines with my pen (which used to happen to me by the way).

While editing, I would find myself in another dimension - the dimension of La la land. It has never happened so often in a day until today. Everytime I try to fight it off, I immediately get lured back to dream state. Yup, dream state. I was actually having dreams during those mini dozes. The funny thing is, all dreams were the same!

Everytime I'd fall off to sleep, I would dream of random letters -- six letters to be exact -- and in my dream I would rearrange them to come up with a word, or words, that are valid. Believe me, this is punishment enough for obsessing too much on Yahoo! Games' Text Twist! I swear, had I not been rearranging these letters in my dream, I would have probably been chased by them.

I used to find it funny how TV depicts people being chased by numbers after a hard day's work in an accounting firm. I really couldn't believe how people could actually see themselves being chased by huge, human-sized numbers. Until today, when I myself am living proof that numbers -- and letters, for that matter -- are as lifesize in La la land as you can imagine.

Y A E M R D ===> D R E A M Y

Kill Phil vol. 2

There are several ways to skin a cat, so goes a cliche. There are also several ways to kill Phil. So, who really is Phil?

Remember the roach who shared the shower with me? Well, let's just say that she has a friend whom I shall name Phil. This morning, as I was gloriously sitting in my throne room (remember my throne room from hell?), I saw him, prancing his way around the chamber, not fearing what would happen to his dear life.

I am not scared of roaches, nor do I find them icky. I just hate them when they crawl on my skin. Fortunately this morning, nothing of that sort happened. In the event, however, that Phil charged at me, I was prepared for battle!

If there is one thing I have mastered in my many years of existence, it is the art of killing roaches. So how exactly do you kill Phil? Here are some proposed ways:

Traditional ways:

1. Crush him with a slipper.
2. Swat him with a rolled newspaper.
3. Step on him
4. Spray mega doses of insectide on him until he falters and goes into a coma and then death.

Non-traditional ways:

1. Pour mega doses of alcohol on the wretched beast.
2. Dump toothpaste on him. This will immobilize him to death.
3. Pour shampoo (the thicker and creamier, the better) on the imp. This will immobilize him and will immobilize his wings (yes, roaches do fly).
4. Lure him in the toilet water and flush him all the way down.
5. Pour huge amounts of water on him until he flips over and can't stand up. He will die in this position if unmoved for several days.
6. Pour hot water on him.

I have tried all these methods and all of them work. Fortunately for me, and for Phil, he didn't charge at me. He danced a little more around my throne room until he quietly slipped off in a small crack near the sink.

Kill Phil plan aborted. For now....

Scratches and Dents

Last Saturday, at around 11:50 p.m., on the way to a local cinema to catch The Village, I met an unusual accident.

Flashback several hours before the incident.

I came from a party of a high school friend, which was about an hour's drive away from the city. The area is very remote considering that I am used to traveling only within city limits. After spending some time watching a Korean movie, My Sassy Girl, which gave all of us a headache, we decided that it was time to leave.

On the way to the movie house, I had to pick up my brother, who was out with his girlfriend the entire day but had no idea how to get back home. I should have given him some bread so he could leave bread crumbs on the road. Unfortunately, I got too caught up in traffic that I decided to turn around and proceed to the cinemas instead, telling him to just sleep over at our cousin's house.

From the traffic, I careened all the way to the heart of the city, traveling at an unusual speed of 100 to 120 kilometers per hour under torrential rains. Slippery when wet, indeed. A few blocks away from the cinema, I decided to slow down, since I had enough time to park and buy the ticket for the movie. Surprise, surprise! Another vehicle hit me on the side!

As I was cruising at a speed of 20 kilometers per hour (talk about cruise control), a vehicle emerged from a hotel parking lot and positioned itself on the center lane. As I was going to turn right, I was on the right-most lane, logically. As I was about to turn right, this vehicle turned right as well, hitting me on the door of the driver's seat. Apparently, the guy driving didn't notice I was there. We spent about an hour waiting for the traffic management bureau personnel to arrive. But we waited in vain. So we went to the station instead to file a police report.

Blessing of blessings, I just renewed my license, which had been expired for five whole months without my conscious knowledge, just last Tuesday. Imagine, I was driving for five months without a valid license, and nothing happened. It was a good thing that the one who hit me was good, and he was man enough to admit his fault. And the police officer who took charge of our case was kind enough to process the papers despite the fact that I was missing the cars registration.

A comic relief for the night. While narrating to the police officer his side of the story, me and my companions overheard him say how he "sidesweeped" my car. And my companion, being the feisty girl that she is, proudly corrected him, saying that we were not "sideswiped" but rather rammed on the side.

I didn't get to see The Village. However, I am still thankful that no one was hurt during the incident. God is REALLY VERY GOOD! And I have the scratches and the dents in my car to prove just that!

Reminiscing Poetry

I was going through my geocities site this morning when I chanced upon several poems that I did back in University. No, they were not part of our curriculum, they were just part of me. It was my hobby, and still is, whenever I do get the time. I just love playing with words and letting my imagination run wild. Among my favorites is the poem The Art of Love Baking. Here it is:

The Art of Love Baking


First, pre-heat the oven
While the dough is new
Squeezing and squeezing
All the way through

Just a little
Then in excess
A mouthful of clear chock'lit
Fill it up with French "Kisses"

Then lay it flat
Working downwards on
Gently moistening
With the spatula's tongue

Then, while the oven is hot
Slowly push it in
Then rest and pause
Then seal it in

Poke it once, twice
Many times to be exact
Feels hotter and hotter
And intense, that's a fact

Then…..SPLAT!
The gooey white filling goes
Voila…
That's how love baking goes.

The Throne Room From Hell

Have you heard about the throne room from hell? Well, I've just been there and will probably be there tonight. Do you want to know how I got there? Well, read on and find out.

Yesterday, I had a total of about 9 cups of tea, different flavors, the entire day. I ate sausages in the morning, potato chips in the afternoon, and a pack of KFC Hot Shots in the evening. For those of you who don't know KFC Hot Shots, those are little chicken pieces that are spicy hot in flavor -- and I mean HOT, HOT, HOT! I had 2 oranges as well before going to bed.

This morning, I woke up with the achiest of all my stomach aches, I needed to rush to the "throne room" half awake. Lo and behold, I was suffering from diarrhea. I don't know why. It must be the tea, or the lack of solid in my digestive system. Whatever it was, I was really shitting like hell!

I went to the throne room a total of four times this morning. By my fourth trip, I was totally exhausted. My a-hole felt so sore because of all the spastic movement. Good grief!

So everybody has diarrhea every now and then. What makes this throne room experience a hell-like experience, you may ask. Remember the Hot Shots thing I told you about? Have you ever eaten something very hot that when you excrete it rectally, you feel a burning sting in your a-hole? Well, I had that this morning. Couple that with the pain brought about by the diarrhea spasms in my rectum, I felt that I had just survived a very hellish experience.

This sure beats the aftermath of taking Xenical!

A Duffy Story

Some time ago, I watched A Cinderella Story with some office friends, my brother and his girl, and my cousins. Of course, it is a cheesy movie, but hey, it's free! Beggars can't be choosers, you know!

The plot was very much like the classic Cinderella story, but with a modern touch. But I should tell you, this movie is just that - a movie. It is not like real life, which a movie should mirror. There were a lot of flaws in the story, and these flaws are just plain unbelievable.

Take the fact that Samantha, the lead character, was only wearing a mask at the ball. And not a face mask, but the kind of mask that only covers the area surrounding your eyes, just above the nose. And the stupid jock doesn't even recognize her??? Come on, give me a break! And this same stupid guy who fails to recognize people, gets into Princeton! Now I should say from this movie that the educational system of America is very flawed indeed! And the voice of the "mystery" girl gives her away easily. So why doesn't this all-American jock still recognize her whenever they get to talk to each other? I mean, who has that kind of voice but Lizzie Maguire?

And then, there is the cell phone. She leaves her cell phone behind at the dance and she doesn't even try to look for it? Come on! Didn't she notice it was missing? Forward to the next scenes where she doesn't even talk about her missing phone. Now, how moronic can this film get?

Oh, and aside from the storyline, guess what - or who - else is flawed? Hillary Duff. Well, I guess you could now name her Hillary Puff. Yep, she's too chubby to be "Cinderella," especially in that gown she wore during the ball. It is really far from the image of Cinderella that have been imprinted in our memories. And the way she talks, it is just so Lizzie. It's like watching The Lizzie Maguire Movie once again. Lucky for her, she has her mom to be one of the producers of the film.

An upside to this film, however, is her stepmom, played by the actress who played Stiffler's mom in American Pie, and the Bend-and-Snap girl in Legally Blonde. She was really great when she was driving a speeding car after she got botox injections. And the way she said Norweigian Salmon comes from Norweigia? Classic.

This film is not really for the critics, but for the young teeny bopper girls who like to see a feel good movie, or for the Duffers out there. I liked it for its feel-good character, but other than that, the storyline is completely moronic. You would be better off reading the classic story from your fairy tale collection. Who knows, you might find your ancestor's Last Will and Testament hidden there.

Just Tea

I love tea.

I used to be a coffee drinker, but now, I am a tea convert. Why you may ask? Well, tea has far less caffeine than coffee. Tea is healthier than coffee. Tea is less fattening than all the condiments you have to put on coffee to make it more delicious. Besides, tea is cheaper in Starbucks or Seattle's Best. And, you could have it refilled with hot water, in case you finish your drink and you still feel the need to drink some more.

Of the numerous tea flavors there are in the world, I had the privilege of being able taste a number of them. Here are a few:

Wild Sweet Orange
My Starbucks favorite. It has the sour-sweet flavor of orange that satisfies my taste buds down to its roots. Very flavorful until you get to the next hot water fill. I think it is also good for the immune system, considering that it is made from oranges, which have vitamin C. Best with two sachets of honey.

Ginger Peach
My Seattle's Best favorite. The ginger in it gives it a mild zing. Plus, they say that ginger is nice for your voice. And peaches... mmm... mmm... mmmm! This is also best taken with two sachets of honey.

Jasmine Green Tea
Green tea never tasted so good with the scent and flavor of Jasmine flowers. The thing about Jasmine tea is that it has a very acrid after taste that smells like rotten flowers. Or is it just my mouth?

Chamomile Tea
A very good substitute for Jasmine tea. Tastes and smells pretty much like chamomile. I find this drink soothing. It gives me inner peace (huh?).

Orange Spice Tea
The flavor of orange with a mild twist! It does have a spicy flavor. It is not as sweet as wild sweet orange, but hey, it tastes just as good. No, it doesn't have pepper and onions and other cooking spices. It just has a touch of spice in it that makes its flavor distinct.

Green Tea
Now this is the healthiest kid in the block! Tastes like grass, hell yes. But who cares? As long as you're healthy, right?

I have tasted other tea concoctions, but so far, these are my favorites. The thing about having tasted various tea flavors is that you don't get to have a tea fatigue syndrome because your taste buds are exposed to different flavors each time you take a sip of that sumptuous cup of tea.

So who said that only the English and Chinese drink tea? I enjoy it as well as they do. Oh, wait a minute, I am part Chinese. I guess that is where my tea fascination comes from.

Tea time!

He Goes By The Name of Oreo

Oreo - a chocolate sandwich cookie with rich cream filling. Twist open, lick the cream filling and dunk in milk for best results.

I had always been fond of Oreos. I really like it's cream filling which I lick with gusto everytime I eat one. Kind of reminds me of something.... Now don't turn dirty on me, it's not what you think! It reminds me of licking ice cream without the cold feeling.

Apparently, one of my cousins goes by the name of Oreo. He is not just a cousin, but probably one of my best friends as well. Whenever we're together, we just get to enjoy each other's company, and boy, do we really get wild!

I remember visiting him in Australia before and it was really very memorable for me. The sights, the people, but most especially, the "experiences" (if you know what I mean, *wink, wink*). I remember going around the city with him and being left by the bus. No train was available at that time due to some repairs. We had to take a cab to where we left his car, which is a suburb outside Sydney. Aaahhhh... the memories of Sydney. One day, I'll go back there and enjoy the Great Outback to its fullest!

We lost contact for quite some time. I suppose he became very busy as was I. Until this morning, when I received a notification of him accepting my invitation to be part of my multiply network. I never really knew what it was that closed down our lines of communication. I get to email him every now and then, but he doesn't seem to get to reply to them. I don't see him online in msn, nor do I receive any SMS from him.

Despite the lack of communication, I still consider him one of my best buds, one who gave me an unforgettable time in Sydney. Maybe, just maybe, one of these days, he would be able to reply to my messages. Last time I heard, he was doing good with his girl. Hopefully, the next time we meet, I'll have a girl to tag along with me.

Unfortunately, for now, all I can do is be contented with the Oreos in the local grocery and lick all the fillings off it one by one. Someday, I may have a girl to lick Oreo fillings with - not here, but in Sydney.

Food

Last weekend, I did nothing but binge on glorious food!

Saturday started with a hefty serving of mushroom in scrambled eggs and tuna. The tuna was really tasteful as it had mushrooms and garlic with it. It was so delicious, I needed to have at least a third helping.

Lunch was okay, I guess, with beef in tomato sauce being the main course. And then dinner - a sumptuous serving of penne in pesto sauce! It really worked up my appetite for the whole day. Unfortunately, it had carbohydrates written all over it, which of course, I totally neglected.

In between lunch and dinner, I had two helpings of ice monster! Two helpings! Can you imagine that? One cookies and cream and one mango teaser. It was really all too much for one person who is supposed to be on a diet.

My next sumptuous meal came the next day in the form of fried cold cuts. Of course, they weren't cold anymore because they were fried. What is it with our country that tells us to fry cold cuts when they were actually meant to be served cold? These processed meats have already been pre-cooked and is hence ready to eat. The idiosyncracies of our culture, really.

For lunch, my whole family went to a local Japanese fast food where they serve really great meals! I had tonkatsu, tempura and misono, with a helping of potato balls on the side. That's calories after spoonful of calories, mind you. After that meal, I felt like I couldn't eat another bite for the next week or so.

Lo and behold! Dinner came and I had more food to eat! We went to a children's party where they served barbecue, spaghetti (in two sauces), roasted pig, beef stew, pot pie, fried chicken and truckloads of desserts! Of course, I wouldn't pass on a chance to try everything, so I got a helping of each of the party's dishes.

Now, as far as I can remember, I was on a diet and I took an oath of food celibacy since September. But apparently, I suffered from short-term memory loss over the weekend and forgot all the reasons why I wanted to lose weight to begin with. I do suffer from guilt feelings but hey, food like that passes you once in a blue moon, so why not take the opportunity to indulge?

Now, where did I place my stash of M&Ms?

Fun Day At The Shoot

Yesterday, at about noon time, I had a photo shoot for a medical publication. Get this, I needed to pose as an epileptic having a seizure. Boy, was it very tiring. I never could imagine myself having those fits. It must really be very difficult for the epileptics to have their seizures.

A few minutes prior to the shoot, me and my friend, who happened to join me in the shoot eventually, played around the studio and had some fun shots taken. Unfortunately, the shots weren't that good. Too bright, or I was not propped up correctly. Too bad, it was really a great opportunity to have a serious studio shot.



We really had a lot of laughs, especially when I was ready to have a seizure. Hahaha, talk about being ready! They said they really pitied me, that I looked really authentic (notice how I could get exaggerated here, you should have seen me yesterday). But they were laughing their asses out. The irony of it.

I really enjoy doing these absurd shoots. I remember having done one for constipation, another for neuropathic pain, another for colds. And to think I am aspiring for a modeling job on TV. Hahahaha. This is far better! I get to do things that other people wouldn't dare to. Artiste par excellence!

Well, until the next shoot.

Do All Dogs Go To Heaven?

They say that all dogs go to heaven. I hope Bulldog is there right now, praying for me and my family's safety. I hope he is there so I could call on someone to guide me in trying times. I hope....

But there are still some things that puzzle me about that saying. Silly questions, but they continuously bug me.

Do all dogs really go to heaven? How about dogs who have murdered kids? Dogs who bit people? Dogs who savagely kill other dogs?

If all dogs go to heaven, do all cats go to hell? It's like they forever fight, right? And good and evil do fight, right? So if heaven is good, and hell is bad, and all dogs go to heaven... then all cats must go to hell???

If, granted, cats go to heaven as well. And granted that all the animals go to heaven too. How then does heaven look like? Would it look very much like the earth? Does it have plants as well?

I really don't know when I will be able to find the answers to these mind bogglers of mine. One thing is for sure, if there is a heaven, I would sure like to spend eternity there -- with all dogs.

A Bulldog Story (Hours Before Death)

Tuesday. 9:30 p.m. I opened our housegate to let myself in. I was welcomed amidst loud barks by our two dogs, Whitey (who happens to be a beige mongrel-japanese spitz mix) and Bulldog (who happens to be a mongrel). Don't ask me how they got their names or who gave it to them. I named them other names, but it seems that our house help's monickers stuck to the dogs' brains. Hence, they wouldn't respond to other names but those.

10:15 p.m. My father arrived. My brother opened the gate to let my father in. I then heard him call me to go outside and see Bulldog. Apparently, he couldn't lift his lower body and all he could do was twist and turn using his front legs. He didn't meet an accident with a vehicle again, did he? Apparently not. And then he was urinating all around -- and boy, that's one heck of a urine load. It was like he excreted all of the fluids in his body. What were we to do? We don't know any vet that was open at that time of night. He was definitely dying. First time I see dog death before my very eyes.

Wednesday. 2:30 a.m. Our driver couldn't sleep because he was hearing strange things in the garage. When he went out to see what it was, it was Bulldog, banging his head on our van. Apparently, he was able to find a way to get fro one place to another using his front legs. For some strange reason, I really don't know why. Insanity before death? Well, I didn't actually witness this. Just second hand information. But then again, what could have led to these events? Only God knows.

6:45 a.m. I saw Bulldog sprawled on the garage floor. This is not the same garage, mind you. It is separated by two flights of stairs and a wide veranda. It still baffles me how he could have travelled considering his situation. Anyway, he was not moving, his eyes were directed towards the heavens, and he was breathing heavily. He was definitely dying. Even seeing the vet would prove futile. So we just let him cherish his tragedy on his own sweet time.

5:00 p.m. I got news that Bulldog died. I felt sad, coz I was always the last one to arrive home. These two dogs would always welcome me with their barks and their wagging tails, jump and reach for my hand all the time. They were intelligent dogs who knew how to use the door's banger (those round things you use to knock -- or bang -- depending on how you actually use it). They were silly ones who would crawl on dry soil after a cold bath. They always growled at each other whenever I'm around them both, as if both were struggling for my attention. It just wouldn't be the same without one of them. I used to talk with Bulldog, scolding him every night for not following my instructions. I used to tell him what he should not do to prevent catching some dog diseases. But you really can't teach old dogs new tricks, it seems. Or human's can't really talk to dogs no matter how much they try to. He had a skin disorder he got from a neighbor's dog. And I got real mad at him for acquiring that. Now, I have no dog to talk to but Whitey. I guess Whitey will just do for the mean time. It just won't be the same without the both of them.

Bulldog
2002-2004
Loving pet, mischievous dog, extraordinary member of our family.

Ironic

An old man turned 98
He won the lottery
And died the next day

It's a black fly
In your chardonay
It's a death row pardon
Two minutes too late

Isn't it ironic?

Well, that is Alanis Morisette for all of you. Life is just so ironic. For the past few weeks, it's been raining like hell here in the city where I work. Day in, I arrive the office with the sun shining brightly. Come afternoons, I leave the office prepared to be drenched in cool summer rain.

Because I leave the house sunny, I dare not bring a jacket or a raincoat or an umbrella. It is just too bulky. Besides, who would ever think it would rain with that kind of bright weather?

But I've learned my lesson well. I dare not sing in the rain once again. Every night, when I get home, I always feel sick to the bone. I have morning sneezing episodes because of this. But today, it's different. I swore I would bring something even if the sun shines very brightly. I believed that no matter how sunny it is in the mornings, the afternoons normally bring in strong rains. Hence, I have with me an umbrella and a jacket.

Now here's the irony. It's about time to go home. With my umbrella and jacket in tow, I can't see a cloud in sight! The sun is shining as brightly as ever. And to think this is the only day I brought my protections along.

Of all the days God chose not to rain, he chose this day. This particular day when I am most prepared. Why?

Because life will forever be an irony.

Creepy Crawlers; Freaky Tuesdays

What a way to start the day.

I woke up relatively early to go to work.

I was in the shower, rinsing shampoo off my hair when I felt a numbing sensation on my left foot. It's the kind of sensation you feel when your leg has been inactive for so long. You feel as if ants were crawling on your leg. Yup, this had the same sensation.

So I shrugged it off, until I felt the sensation move. What could that possibly be? I couldn't see it as my entire face was covered by shampoo suds.

Feeling the tingling sensation move across the circumference of my lower leg forced me to give off a jerking action (not that jerking action, perv!).

After immediately wiping off the shampoo from my face with a dry towel, I was amazed, aghast, taken aback, I'm running out of words here.... to see, to my horror of horrors.... a cockroach! (Cue in Psycho theme.)

I'm not scared of cockroaches, that I can assure you. I can even hold them with my bare hands (yeah, I can hear you cringe in disgust right now), that is, granted they are not moving anymore. I just don't like the feel of their legs on my skin. It's just so... icky!

I don't know what it was that gave the cockroach enough courage to share a shower with me. I must have some kind of oozing sex appeal that only four-legged creatures appreciate. Or she (I am assuming that the cockroach is female because she was with me in the shower) must be a reincarnation of someone I used to share a shower with in my past life (if I had one).

Good thing my instincts didn't tell me to step on her at first sight. I would have done so in my wide-awake state of mind. Otherwise, I would be scrubbing my feet a thousand times more today. And I would have a bathroom floor with Mentos (crunchy on the outside, chewy on the inside) remnants to clean for the next few minutes or so.

Now isn't that some peculiar way to start the day?

The Bystander

I wasn't really a bystander then. I just happened to be walking towards the scene of where everything happened that day.

Friday afternoon. Everyone was rushing to go home or go elsewhere to enjoy a great weekend start. Rain just stopped pouring and the streets of the city were wet. As for me, I couldn't wait to leave the office and indulge myself in a badminton game a few cities away from where I work.

Me and a new officemate shared the elevator and enjoyed our leisurely walk-and-talk to where we were supposed to take our respective rides. As we were about to cross the street, we saw a group of people gathered right in the middle of one of the most populated avenues in the city. There must be something really wrong there, we thought.

Despite the throng of people gathered there, vehicular traffic continued, however, at a slower pace. Hence, we couldn't just cross the street and go to where all the "action" is because we might get run over by a slow-moving bus, whose driver happens to be looking at the "action" as well.

So me and my officemate became mere bystanders. Standing at the sidewalk to catch all the "action."

But the "action," we realized, was really an "in-action." Right in the middle of the street, there was a lady sprawled on the floor, blood oozing from her head. People were gathered around her, frozen in shock, doing nothing. Yup, the lady's body was not in "action" as she was very still. She was not moving, not one bit. And the people around her were not in "action" as well as they didn't move a muscle and were just content with being spectators.

And then I saw this policeman, who, instead of helping her out immediately, lifted the lady's arm, nudged her leg a little with his foot and went around her still body. It took a few minutes before a vehicle stopped by and some people from the crowd actually took heed of the situation and lifted her into the vehicle.

Once in the vehicle, no one wanted to accompany her to the nearest hospital, which was just a few blocks away from the scene. Fortunately, a traffic aide went with her albeit being prodded by the policeman forcefully.

You see, what happened was she got sideswiped by a raging motorcycle. The vehicles were actually stopped by a traffic enforcer to make way for the pedestrians. But being in a country where traffic enforcement is not given due accord, the good and mighty motorcycle driver went his way and proceeded despite the policeman's order. That was when Harry (the motorcycle) met Sally (the lady).

I myself am guilty of being motionless that afternoon. I couldn't do anything. I couldn't move a muscle. I was in shock. I was frozen as ice. I was mumbling some things I couldn't remember but that was it. It has always been my reaction to an emergency. I never got over it.

The only thing I could do that time, and a few hours after that, was to pray. I couldn't do anything. I just prayed... prayed for her safety... that she survives the ordeal.

So the next time one of you, my dear friends, intend to meet an accident, please don't take me with you. Otherwise, you will just have another bystander looking over your helpless body sprawled in the busy streets of the city.

A Monster's Tale

A hot day, it is, with the temperature and humidity both rising by the minute. It sure is a nice way to cool off in far away Baguio or in the cool waters of a swimming pool. But I've just been to Baguio and there is no pool in sight... What to do?


 
Fortunately, there is an Ice Monster outlet in a nearby building... Tempting, I should say. But heck, I can't eat much because of my slow metabolism.
 
Damn those metabolic rates!
 
But wait a minute, hot coffee (kapeng mainit)! They do have fruit flavors and toppings to choose from! Hmmm.... I might as well try the mango toppings, 'coz I'm a real sucker for mangoes. But the mandarin oranges look just as tempting... And oranges make my bowel move faster. OK I'll just have the mangoes. But the cookies and cream look more tempting than those two. Decisions... decisions....
 
I'm going to the gym later, so I guess it's ok to pack in more calories. But I've already had my share of cornicks and choco flakes from Baguio today. So that's like packing in about a million calories, versus the few hundred calories I'll be burning tonight. That would far exceed my daily caloric intake allowance!
 
Oh, well. Damn indecisions and cursed pride. I guess I'll just have to throw my diet away for a while. Besides, indulgence is better than diamonds at any place, at any time.
 
"One Cookies and Cream with extra Vanilla Ice Cream, please!"

For Every Yin

Everything has a trade off, so it seems.

Yesterday, I went to a VTR for a liquor commercial. I was so excited about doing the VTR because it has been quite a while since I last did one.

The minute I arrived at the agency, something told me that this particular project was not for me. I signed up for the schedule and was greeted by the person in charge. She used to work for the casting agency that first got me to model. In fact, she recalls, she was the one who "discovered" me. Very star-like.

Her initial reaction was, "You seem to have lost a lot of weight." Hint number one: We are looking for someone who is much fatter than you. Why the heck did you lose weight?

"I am not that thin. I am still fat... I still have flabs and love handles," was my reply. I was supposing I could reassure her that I was still cut out for this project.

And so I waited... and waited... and got to talk to a co-"model." I really like that, calling myself a commercial model. Hahahaha.... Anyway, I got a lot of background info on the TVC (TV Commercial) from him. I found out that he was a cousin of a famous athlete/commercial model/schoolmate of mine back in college. And then he was called in.

Urgh! More minutes of agonizing waiting!

And then my name was called. My sweet sounding name! It's my turn to show off! As I entered the room, my new-found friend told me to prepare to strip. I was like, "OK, that won't be a problem."

"Your name please... How old are you Donnell? And your height? OK, look at the camera... now turn to your right.... turn your head to the camera... now smile... OK, now to the left.... turn your head to the camera... now smile... OK. Thank you."

That's it?!? I mean, I was supposed to strip, wasn't I? I was supposed to be this beach blob who will emerge from underwater as a beach hunk, right?

Hint number two: You are not what we are looking for. You are not fat enough. Thank you for you time. If we do have another project, we'll keep you in mind. The one ahead of you is fatter than you. He is perfect for the role.

Disappointing, true. I mean, I have waited all my life for a big break like this, going to Boracay to do a shoot. And now, I lost my only hope of being a commercial model -- being too fat. Now, I am just fat. None of the too there. All because I want to feel great and love my body more.

They say that for every Yin, there is a Yang. For every action, and equal and opposite reaction. Saddening as it is, there is still hope left in me. I might have lost the commercial, but I guess I am also enjoying the fruits of my diet and exercise. Although I still have to wait a couple more months (or years) before I could actually wear speedo bikini-type swimming trunks. There will be other commercials for me, I know. There will be other breaks...

...I hope.

Orca: Forward Looking

This week is definitely something to look forward to, at least for me.

I am about to close a publication (close being a term for having it released to the printers), an exam to pass, a paper to submit... It is just plain toxic.

But behind all these toxicities in the week, there are actually somethings that I am looking forward to with great anticipation.

This afternoon, I will be on my way to a VTR. It's something unlike the commercial I have done before, where I did play a support character. It is a VTR for an island-hopping TVC. Whatever the product or government agency the VTR will be scouting talents for, only heaven knows. And with heaven, I mean those in the top level of the advertising industry. Hahahaha... Does it give away my awe for the crazy industry called advertising? I suppose so.

My only wish is that I do bag the role for whatever commercial it may be. It has been two months since I last did a commercial (as if it were on a regular basis. Believe me it's not. It was my first and only commercial so far).

I received a text message yesterday informing me about the VTR. They asked me if I knew how to swim. Of course I know how to swim! I was a dolphin in one of my past lives. I was a killer whale almost all my life. It is now that I am enjoying my new role (and size) as a baby orca.

I immediately sent them a reply (or a query) that indeed, I know how to swim, and what outfit is needed, and when is the scheduled shoot. As if I was really the one to bag the role. Hahahaha... Definitely, if shoot will be this weekend, I will not be able to make it as I would be out of town. And the reason I asked for the outfit is because I am scared to be wearing trunks, as in bikini trunks, in public. I only wear those when I am in my own private environment. Talk about psycho! Imagine the reaction of the people if ever they see me in trunks! The ad might be banned by the local regulating body if ever they make me do something like that! Orca for Speedo. Que horror!

Another thing that I am looking forward to is my trip to Baguio this weekend. I will stand as a secondary sponsor in my cousin's wedding. It will be my first time to see Baguio in ages (last trip there was in 2001). At least now, I will get a glimpse of the famous SM Baguio, the most beautiful SM ever built in the country -- so they say. I will get to rummage through the UKs in the city (UK is a term we use for ukay-ukay) and get new wardrobe for my new baby Orca look. I will be able to show my grand aunt that I am now a baby Orca, which is a big difference from the last time she saw me. I mean, I was a blue whale back then, not even an Orca. I will be able to go to places I wasn't able to go to before in Baguio! Isn't it quite obvious that I am really excited about this trip? Naaaah... I don't think so.

There is really much to look forward to this week. But I guess the thing that I am looking forward to the most is this month's salary.

The Sea of Pee

Have you ever felt the urge to urinate in a very uncomfortable place?

Well, I have... I was snorkling in the clear waters of Boracay when I finally had the urge to do my thing... not that thing, the liquid thing that shoots from my hose. Well, I really had to go badly after drinking much seawater, I had to ask somebody.

So I asked one of the boatmen.

"Diyan na lang ho, sa dagat! Lahat naman ho, diyan na umiihi, eh!"

Imagine my surprise at his reply! I am practically swimming in a sea of urine! And to think I drank some seawater, giving me the urge to urinate! Well, there's urine therapy for me!

And so I tried to pee in the water... I forced my bladder once... twice... the mere knowledge of me swimming in a sea of pee, drinking sea pee, snorting sea pee... that really freaked my bladder out into embarassment. Plus, of course, I was embarassed... peeing there in front of my relatives and their relatives. It might have been good if I were with some unknown boatmen... but no... these were blood relatives!

And then it came. I finally was able to pee! Success! I can now officially say that I have already swam in my own pee! It's like saying that I'm drenched in my own blood. Hoo, boy! That was something else... Suddenly, the cool Boracay water around me became as warm as my body.

The only thing that kept my mind from being so freaked out by the thing I just did is that I am in water.... my urine is clean.... and that water in urine makes a solution of urinary water measured in parts per trillion, that is there is only one part of urine in a trillion gallons of sea water.

One word of caution, though. One should never do this in a swimming pool or in a jacuzzi. Now, that would be a different story.