Jammin' in the Street

I clocked in at 7:59:30 this morning. It was like a cliffhanging experience for me, rushing to the 28th floor of our building in the morning, hoping that the computer clock is slower than my wrist watch. And boy, was I relieved to arrive just in the nick of time.

But why the rush? I mean, why the hell was I almost late to begin with?

I woke up relatively early this morning, about 30 minutes earlier than my normal waking time. I changed my routine a bit and had breakfast before I took a shower. Normally, I would do the opposite. I finished about 15 minutes before 7:00 and signalled to my suster, "To the Batmobile!"

You can just imagine the soundtrack that plays in my head during this time. Tandandanan tandandanan Batman! Batman! Hmmmm.... You must be thinking of me in a spandex suit right now. Sorry, but I was in my right mind this morning to wear my underwear first before my pants.

Anyway, we reached the highway and saw a long queue of cars that were at a standstill. This could not be good. Apparently, there was an accident in the highway this morning. A trailer crashed onto something and was practically occupying two of the three-lane highway. After that, it was just a chain reaction of traffic jams throughout the Metro.

When it rains, it pours, so they say. And yup, it did rain this morning. But it did not pour hard. What poured over was my fury over some traffic aides and policemen who stalled traffic further. About 20 minutes away from the office, I had to endure the worst morning traffic I have ever encountered in one of the main thoroughfares of the city where I work in. It would normally take me about 5 minutes to get to the office from where I was stuck awhile ago, but no! These horrible creations belonging to the animal kingdom who disguise themselves as humans in traffic aide and police uniforms are causing much more traffic, contrary to what they were supposed to do, which is direct traffic to help ease its flow. They were not following the traffic lights and, even we had the green light, we were still stalled. The opposite lane is still going, and going, and going, and going.... you get what I mean.

What is the use of those traffic lights anyway if they are only to be overridden by some low-life nincampoops who claim to know more about synchronizing traffic than the tried-and-tested, synchornized, fully functional and very much efficient traffic lights that the government has invested heavily upon? And they are being paid for being such imbeciles! And here's another kicker. There were four of them in an intersection. Only one was directing traffic while the three others were just in one corner, talking and laughing their hearts out. They should be apprehended for delaying the lives of people, which results to delayed transactions, which leads to failed deals, which messes up a company's growth potential, ultimately killing the economy! But who will apprehend them? They can't apprehend themselves.

Well, that is a job for me! Coz' I'm Batman!

Robin, to the Batcave!

Here's something for all you low-lying scumbags of society! Pow! Whack! Kaboom! Pok! Kablam!

Colored Dots

Here I go again with my Yahoo! games addiction.

After Text Twist, here comes Bounce Out. And boy, am I really addicted to it!

Every chance that I get, I try to play it and outbeat my high score. Unfortunately, the game has tormented me physically and psychologically. My eyesight is worse more than ever. I have to admit, staring at the screen for so long seeing a variety of colors could really strain your eyes a lot.

Psychologically, I can't think of anything else but outdoing myself all the time--just in this game, of course. And did I tell you that the first thing I do in the morning upon waking up is log in at Yahoo! games just to get my morning fix of the colored balls? I also end the day by playing with those damn dots at night. And just like the horrid letters of Text Twist, I now have dreams of colored balls falling all over the place, trading places, etc. It is really a nightmare! A VERY BAD NIGHTMARE!

I should sue Yahoo! for coming up with such addicting games for all the physical and psychological impairment I have developed because of this game! I want to stop this addiction! And I want to stop it now!

Well, I guess that's it. Back to the game!

Random Thought

What would you do if the person whom you know is the right one for you is with another person whom you know is very wrong for him or her?

Torpedo

Hello! I am Eldon. And I am a Torpedo.

What exactly is a torpedo?

To many people around the world, it is an ammunition launched as a form of defense, normally from a naval vessel of underwater orientation (think submarine). However, that is not what I am.

To some people in our country, torpedo is someone who wants to express something to a special someone but could not. One who wishes to profess love and admiration, but doesn't have the balls to do so. One who would like to get hitched but is afraid to approach the hitchee. It comes from the local word torpe, which means just what I explained a while ago.

I am Eldon, and I am a torpedo.

For many years, I have tried to approach women. Sometimes, I would be able to muster enough courage to do so. But oftentimes, I fail. I never got the chance to tell a lot of these chicks how I truly feel about them, or how much I wanted them to be a part of my life.

I am Eldon. I don't want to be a torpedo anymore. I want to free myself from the bondage of the Lonely Hearts Club. I want to form part of a team to be able to join in the Amazing Race. I want to be a Colin to a Christie or a Brandon to a Nicole, or a Zach to a Flo. I WANT TO GET INTO A FORMAL RELATIONSHIP! AND I WANT IT NOW!

I am Eldon. Anyone free for drinks tonight? Pick you up at 8.

Eldon's Four Points to Happiness

1. Talk less.
2. Ask not.
3. There is no such thing as friends. Only acquaintances.
4. Loneliness is the greatest form of happiness.

Something New

Yesterday, I took on a new name.

I think I should have done this a long time ago. I should have left my old self behind way before my life got too complicated -- not because of environmental factors but because of me.

But all that is over now. I believe that I should move on with my life and start anew. And I am starting that new life with a new name.

Call me Eldon.

Suicide Diaries

Today, I want to die. Just today, right at this moment. Don't ask me why, I just want to. Here are a few ways I am currently pondering on to fulfill my terminal task:

1. Jump off our office building from the rooftop.
2. Eat expired Oreos found here in my trash can.
3. Go to the toilet and slash my wrist with a cutter.
4. Better yet, slash my neck (the jugular vein is better to slash).
5. Wash my hands and touch an electrical socket.
6. Drink rat poison so I'll bleed to death.
7. Bang my head endlessly on my monitor. I just wish I won't survive this one. Otherwise I will be fired for destroying company property.
8. Strangling myself to death with the wire of my headphones.
9. Hire an assassin.
10. Just stand in the middle of the street until a rampaging truck or motorcycle or cab hits me.

Take me with you! Let me see the light at the end of the tunnel. NOW!

Romancing the Dryer

What a great way to work up the day!

Somebody gave me some fudge brownies at 10:00 a.m. I had two servings, in fact. I placed them in a tissue paper to avoid spoiling my office uniform and my fingers.

Twilight zone kicked in when one of the brownies fell on my shirt, tumbling all the way down to my pants! I have multiple stains all over my entire uniform. Hmmmm..... Think of me as a kid who just ate tons of chocolate cookies with chocolate stains all over the face. The only difference is that my stains had a wider coverage. I should sue the brownie for multiple homicide!

Frantic to rid my light-colored pants off the stains, I thought of going to the wash room and wipe it off with a tissue paper. It was really disgusting! It's as if my genitalia just had a bout with diarrhea! Talk about exiting the wrong hole!

So I did, with a little tissue and some soap. I tried so hard to eliminate the stains. Unfortunately, it left my pants all worked up with water stains. Now, I didn't look like someone who just had penile diarrhea, but one who doesn't have control of his bladder! I thought, "I couldn't go out and tell everybody how cool it is to pee in my pants!" What to do?

Think Mr. Bean! I was left with no other option but to romance the dryer! Yup, that is what romancing the dryer is all about. Putting your lower body under the dryer, moving in a front and back motion (or semi-up and down motion) to make sure that all the water stains are dried off. It was a good thing no one saw me in the wash room. I would have been mortified, errr I should say, that person might be mortified! He would simply think that I was desperate, so desperate that I simply gave in to lust and contented myself with just a dryer.

Hmmm.... I am just wondering what household appliance to romance next time.

I Need A Makeover

I guess it is just one of those days again. Right now, I think I need a makeover. Not just a physical makeover but a generalized makeover. Have you ever watched that fab five show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy? Sometimes, I wish I was the guy they are going to give tips to. Have you seen those reality shows, or even Oprah, where they give the person a facelift, a nose job, or any kind of plastic surgery to make the person more physically appealing? Well, I wish I had that opportunity as well.

What do I want to change physically? Hmmm.... Well, for one, I want to change my nose. I want it to be more sharp, finer. I want my cheeks deeper. And yes, I want to have deep set eyes as well. I would like to have a lower hairline and I would like more facial hair, thank you!

If all these were taken together, I would probably have a plastic surgery of my entire face. I would probably have the face of Tom Cruise replicated. Or my best friend. Or my next best friend. Probably, I would be able to attract more women, especially the dominatrix type. Hehehehehe....

Anyway, I would also like to have a liposuction. I would like to get rid of these love handles, my problem spot. And don't forget about those cellulites in my thighs. *sigh* I would also liked to be buffed up, but not too much.

In another aspect, I would like to change the way I view things. I would like to have more confidence in myself. I would like to be more sensitive to the needs of women. I would like to be able to talk to women in such a way that I don't sound like the very friendly type of person whom every chick considers just a friend and nothing more.

I would also like to be intelligent, someone who knows things just like that. I would like to be analytical, yet creative at the same time. I would like to be able to make use of the talents I have to help others and also, make money on the side.

Hmmmm..... Pathetic, isn't it? I'm green with envy, it seems.... envious of the people I know, envious of the way they live their lives, envious of the way they see life and people and the universe in general. Right now, I am in a vacuum. I feel so unconfident, so low.

But hey, this is just one of those days. Tomorrow may be different. I may not be as frustrated with me as I am now. Thank God for tomorrows.

Reminiscing friendships

Suddenly, I miss my friends. I guess this is just one of those days....

My Father's House - February 2004
(My pre-birthday party)

Kay Inay - 2001
(My birthday party)

Enchanted Kingdom - December 21, 2003

[Jonathan's Birthday Party (hehehehehe)]

My Sassy Girl

After watching My Sassy Girl for the second time last night, and finally seeing the end of the movie, I just realized several things.

Realization # 1.

Koreans have a very unique way of telling a story. And it is really truly extraordinary how this story unravelled before us. Not twisty, but catchy. Although there were some lull moments in the movie, which allowed me to doze off a couple of times, I found the overall concept very romantic and funny.

Realization # 2.

Looks are not everything. So they say. And it is also what this movie reiterates. The male lead looked like shit, no charisma whatsoever, and his face is just as funny as hell! Heck, I MIGHT (operative word is might) even look better than him in some primitive society's standards. And yet, he was able to bag this really hot chick (hot, by my standards). I think that one day, I will be able to get myself a chick as hot as the female lead. No, she is not that stunning, but she is someone you will fall over for over and over again.

Realization # 3.

While watching the movie, I noticed that I kind of like the idea of being bossed around by a girl. I like the idea of being the underdog type, of someone lording over my life, yet at the same time, giving me direction. I just realized that the reason why I haven't been in a formal relationship since birth is because I haven't found someone to push me around enough for me to like her the least. You see, I now realize that I prefer the dominatrix type of women (dream sequence: leather tights and whip.... whappack!).

Now, if only I can come up with a perfect match of all the descriptions of the ideal woman I like before I reach the ripe old age of 30, what a wonderful world it would be for me. I just wish that time will be cooperative enough to grant me this wish soon...

Hallers and Kareks: An Evolution Story

Language has evolved quite significantly throughout time. Words were mixed and matched to come up with new words that have an entirely new meaning. If people from the past were time warped to the present, they would probably think that the present is an alien world where the universal creatures have assumed the form of human beings and started a new race of beings here on earth. Get it?

Such was my fascination about certain words I heard over and over again the whole day. I have heard them somewhere before, from officemates, I guess, but I never realized how rampant their use was.

Word 1: Haller

I heard some officemates talking with each other when suddenly, someone blurted out, "Haller!" And then, in my favorite tea place, I heard someone mention the damn word again. And now, as I am doing this stuff, I hear yet another person in a local TV program blurt out the exact same word!

Quite obviously, haller is another word for hello. Hello, as we all know, is a form of greeting used widely in answering the phone, or starting a conversation with someone you just met. The word then got used to start phrases like, "not me!" as in "Hello! Not me!" The word then got used to mean, "Are you sure?" or "Come on" or.... you get what I mean. And then, it evolved to hallo, thanks to some flirtatious females trapped in men's bodies down at the store in the corner of the street. From hallo, it became halloo, and now--haller! Fancy evolution, I suppose.

Word 2: Karek

I heard this one from my immediate boss (or should I say read). Now this word, this word is still in its initial stage of evolution. Of course, it is a "new" word for correct. The word, locally, is pronounced by the brutes and the brusque as korek, and pronounced the same way (remember, it doesn't have a "t"). And now, as we know it, the word has been altered yet again to be pronounced as "karek." I will not be surprised if the word will eventually evolve into "karatch," "kurash," "karakas," and so on.

These words may eventually become part of local lingo, evolve into something else, or probably die a slow death. Many such words created in the 80s have reached a stage of extinction. Whatever it is, the fanciful words that come up in our day-to-day conversations reflect how colorful the local culture is and how creative the people are.

I am glad I belong to such culture. I am prestiged to belong to such a fanciful race.

Until the next blog. Adieulehihu!