Have you ever felt the urge to urinate in a very uncomfortable place?
Well, I have... I was snorkling in the clear waters of Boracay when I finally had the urge to do my thing... not that thing, the liquid thing that shoots from my hose. Well, I really had to go badly after drinking much seawater, I had to ask somebody.
So I asked one of the boatmen.
"Diyan na lang ho, sa dagat! Lahat naman ho, diyan na umiihi, eh!"
Imagine my surprise at his reply! I am practically swimming in a sea of urine! And to think I drank some seawater, giving me the urge to urinate! Well, there's urine therapy for me!
And so I tried to pee in the water... I forced my bladder once... twice... the mere knowledge of me swimming in a sea of pee, drinking sea pee, snorting sea pee... that really freaked my bladder out into embarassment. Plus, of course, I was embarassed... peeing there in front of my relatives and their relatives. It might have been good if I were with some unknown boatmen... but no... these were blood relatives!
And then it came. I finally was able to pee! Success! I can now officially say that I have already swam in my own pee! It's like saying that I'm drenched in my own blood. Hoo, boy! That was something else... Suddenly, the cool Boracay water around me became as warm as my body.
The only thing that kept my mind from being so freaked out by the thing I just did is that I am in water.... my urine is clean.... and that water in urine makes a solution of urinary water measured in parts per trillion, that is there is only one part of urine in a trillion gallons of sea water.
One word of caution, though. One should never do this in a swimming pool or in a jacuzzi. Now, that would be a different story.
Wednesday, June 30, 2004
Monday, June 28, 2004
The Boracay Sexcapade: Vol. 2
Day 2.
Still no babes in sight... Still no sun in the sky... When will heaven come to me?
Unlike the first day, however, this day was more eventful.
I woke up, had a couple of Mars in the toilet (remember my jamming-mate?), and proceeded to have my breakfast with my aunt and cousin and their relatives. Well, my first big laugh came when my aunt's niece told me of a story about her father ordering breakfast. The story goes like this...
"Good morning, sir! What do you want for breakfast?"
"I'll have bacon and eggs please."
"How would you like your eggs done, sir?"
"Upside down please."
Of course, he intended to say sunny-side up. The funny thing is, when his order came, it was flipped upside down!
Big laugh for breakfast - not bad! This story joins the ranks of my dad ordering bottomless iced tea, referring to it as "bottoms up iced tea," or my mom referring to sack race as sack rice.
Then we went snorkling. That was actually my first time to snorkle! I got to see the wonders of the sea and even manage to spot a blue starfish, which my cousin scooped up for us to get a photo of. During the trip, I had another laugh with another story of the same guy which goes...
"Son, somebody gave me some money, which I am giving to you. It is in a currency foreign to me but I think it translates to a million bucks."
"Thanks, mom! I'll go look it up in some banks and check whether they actually exchange this currency."
So the guy went to some banks, got a hold of several connections, to no avail. Finally, he went to the Central Bank.
"I've been to several banks and they could not identify this currency. I would like to have this exchanged, please."
"Sir, we're not familiar with that currency as well, although I could have it checked for you."
"Thanks!"
"Sir, please take a seat for a while. We had this currency checked. Did you say you've been around town for a while checking for this currency, wanting to have it changed?"
"Definitely! I'd even give you a little amount as a gesture of thanks if and wehn I have it changed."
Of course, at this point, he really thought that it was worth thousands, if not millions worth of local currency.
"Sir, I am afraid I have to break this to you. The equivalent of the amount you want to have exchanged is 150 pesos."
The guy imagined himself running from the bank in shame. All he could say was thank you, with sweat forming at the edge of his eyebrows.
Something funny to cap a nice snorkling adventure in the rain.
When the rain stopped a bit, we had the opportunity to ride a banana boat, which was really fun. There were no comedic quips during the ride though. It was just pure enjoyment.
We then went back to our hotel rooms. My cousin and I went around shopping for local products. One of the shops I checked was a bead shop. I asked the saleslady how much the beads were.
"Sir, that forty. Per na po yan."
I was like, "Come on! This isn't pearl obviously! It is made of clam shells! How can this be pearl?" But being the kind person that I was, I asked, "Could you say that again please?"
"Per na po."
I simply forgot where I was. Of course she meant pair. I really wanted to burst out laughing, but then again, I might be beaten up by a swarm of Visayans in the area.
That night, I had a henna tattoo, I walked down the night beach, with strong winds in tow, and ended up, again, in Wave. Planning to get hitched that night, I started to look around for any foreigners or any kind of babe. Unfortunately, being the lean or off-peak season, all I spotted were some matronic beauties waiting for willing patrons... Well, that's life! If you can't get hitched, you CAN'T get hitched!
I therefore conclude that the Boracay Sexcapade is just a myth, at least in my books. Time will come when I have saved enough money to actually go there during peak season. Maybe, by then, the Boracay Sexcapade will materialize into something real. Until then...
Still no babes in sight... Still no sun in the sky... When will heaven come to me?
Unlike the first day, however, this day was more eventful.
I woke up, had a couple of Mars in the toilet (remember my jamming-mate?), and proceeded to have my breakfast with my aunt and cousin and their relatives. Well, my first big laugh came when my aunt's niece told me of a story about her father ordering breakfast. The story goes like this...
"Good morning, sir! What do you want for breakfast?"
"I'll have bacon and eggs please."
"How would you like your eggs done, sir?"
"Upside down please."
Of course, he intended to say sunny-side up. The funny thing is, when his order came, it was flipped upside down!
Big laugh for breakfast - not bad! This story joins the ranks of my dad ordering bottomless iced tea, referring to it as "bottoms up iced tea," or my mom referring to sack race as sack rice.
Then we went snorkling. That was actually my first time to snorkle! I got to see the wonders of the sea and even manage to spot a blue starfish, which my cousin scooped up for us to get a photo of. During the trip, I had another laugh with another story of the same guy which goes...
"Son, somebody gave me some money, which I am giving to you. It is in a currency foreign to me but I think it translates to a million bucks."
"Thanks, mom! I'll go look it up in some banks and check whether they actually exchange this currency."
So the guy went to some banks, got a hold of several connections, to no avail. Finally, he went to the Central Bank.
"I've been to several banks and they could not identify this currency. I would like to have this exchanged, please."
"Sir, we're not familiar with that currency as well, although I could have it checked for you."
"Thanks!"
"Sir, please take a seat for a while. We had this currency checked. Did you say you've been around town for a while checking for this currency, wanting to have it changed?"
"Definitely! I'd even give you a little amount as a gesture of thanks if and wehn I have it changed."
Of course, at this point, he really thought that it was worth thousands, if not millions worth of local currency.
"Sir, I am afraid I have to break this to you. The equivalent of the amount you want to have exchanged is 150 pesos."
The guy imagined himself running from the bank in shame. All he could say was thank you, with sweat forming at the edge of his eyebrows.
Something funny to cap a nice snorkling adventure in the rain.
When the rain stopped a bit, we had the opportunity to ride a banana boat, which was really fun. There were no comedic quips during the ride though. It was just pure enjoyment.
We then went back to our hotel rooms. My cousin and I went around shopping for local products. One of the shops I checked was a bead shop. I asked the saleslady how much the beads were.
"Sir, that forty. Per na po yan."
I was like, "Come on! This isn't pearl obviously! It is made of clam shells! How can this be pearl?" But being the kind person that I was, I asked, "Could you say that again please?"
"Per na po."
I simply forgot where I was. Of course she meant pair. I really wanted to burst out laughing, but then again, I might be beaten up by a swarm of Visayans in the area.
That night, I had a henna tattoo, I walked down the night beach, with strong winds in tow, and ended up, again, in Wave. Planning to get hitched that night, I started to look around for any foreigners or any kind of babe. Unfortunately, being the lean or off-peak season, all I spotted were some matronic beauties waiting for willing patrons... Well, that's life! If you can't get hitched, you CAN'T get hitched!
I therefore conclude that the Boracay Sexcapade is just a myth, at least in my books. Time will come when I have saved enough money to actually go there during peak season. Maybe, by then, the Boracay Sexcapade will materialize into something real. Until then...
The Boracay Sexcapade: Vol. 1
I woke up pretty early in anticipation of what was supposed to be the perfect getaway for what was a very sleepy week for me. I thought, "Hey! I could bask in the sun all day, rev up for some babe watching and probably get hitched there!"
And then it started to rain...
We boarded a nineteen-seater propeller plane and waited in anticipation of the beach's grandeur... white sands... sunny weather. Well, we hoped we would have a sunny weather then... It was all rainy in the Metro and we really wanted to enjoy Boracay very much. I thought that maybe, the rains only affected where we were then...
But I was wrong.
We arrived at Caticlan with overcast clouds... a very gloomy start, I should say... We arrived at the actual island and it was raining cats and dogs! So much for the sunny weather! Waves were crashing like hell on the shoreline. The wind was blowing like mad! Plastic signs were being thrown off base. It was really chaotic.
What was there to do? Well, we checked in our rooms and, wearing a water-resistant jacket, my cousin and I strolled along the alley of Stations 1, 2 and 3. We got to see the restaurants but the whole place was like a deserted island!
Where did all the babes go? Where did all the people go?
"Times like these," I thought. "I need a Juicy!"
So I just spent the day walking around in the rain, surfing the internet, going into a disco called Wave (where most of the patrons are matrons waiting to get hitched by foreigners), walking again, watching cable, walking again... and sleeping.
Fun, huh?
If only I offered some eggs to St. Claire before I left for the beach...
And then it started to rain...
We boarded a nineteen-seater propeller plane and waited in anticipation of the beach's grandeur... white sands... sunny weather. Well, we hoped we would have a sunny weather then... It was all rainy in the Metro and we really wanted to enjoy Boracay very much. I thought that maybe, the rains only affected where we were then...
But I was wrong.
We arrived at Caticlan with overcast clouds... a very gloomy start, I should say... We arrived at the actual island and it was raining cats and dogs! So much for the sunny weather! Waves were crashing like hell on the shoreline. The wind was blowing like mad! Plastic signs were being thrown off base. It was really chaotic.
What was there to do? Well, we checked in our rooms and, wearing a water-resistant jacket, my cousin and I strolled along the alley of Stations 1, 2 and 3. We got to see the restaurants but the whole place was like a deserted island!
Where did all the babes go? Where did all the people go?
"Times like these," I thought. "I need a Juicy!"
So I just spent the day walking around in the rain, surfing the internet, going into a disco called Wave (where most of the patrons are matrons waiting to get hitched by foreigners), walking again, watching cable, walking again... and sleeping.
Fun, huh?
If only I offered some eggs to St. Claire before I left for the beach...
Monday, June 21, 2004
The Morning Stretch
I rarely stretch in the mornings. Upon waking up, I stand up with my eyes half closed and go directly to the bathroom to brush my teeth and do my thing (while half asleep).
This morning was quite different.
Last night, I instantaneously fell asleep after several reps of crunches in bed... I don't know why but all of a sudden, upon waking up, I had this great urge to stretch...
"Uuuuunnnngggghhhhh!"
And that's when it happened. I don't know why it was but something in me locked like the vaults of Citibank! My abs started to contract like wild! I had the most severe case of abdominal cramps in years! I mean, the last time I had them was three years back, immediately after doing some crunches in the gym.
Believe it or not, I was immobile for like an hour. No one could hear me because the slightest word I utter makes my tummy contract some more! Ugh! The pain of it!
Now, there are still some remnants of those muscle pain. I just needed to rest it off for a while before I could actually do another set of crunches again.
So I have this dilemma... lose my tummy or lose my job (yep, I was on half-day leave... again). I really don't know, but I think I'll have to just get used to the cramps for a while so that I will be able to outgrow it (if that ever happens), or outshrink it, whatever the case may be.
This morning was quite different.
Last night, I instantaneously fell asleep after several reps of crunches in bed... I don't know why but all of a sudden, upon waking up, I had this great urge to stretch...
"Uuuuunnnngggghhhhh!"
And that's when it happened. I don't know why it was but something in me locked like the vaults of Citibank! My abs started to contract like wild! I had the most severe case of abdominal cramps in years! I mean, the last time I had them was three years back, immediately after doing some crunches in the gym.
Believe it or not, I was immobile for like an hour. No one could hear me because the slightest word I utter makes my tummy contract some more! Ugh! The pain of it!
Now, there are still some remnants of those muscle pain. I just needed to rest it off for a while before I could actually do another set of crunches again.
So I have this dilemma... lose my tummy or lose my job (yep, I was on half-day leave... again). I really don't know, but I think I'll have to just get used to the cramps for a while so that I will be able to outgrow it (if that ever happens), or outshrink it, whatever the case may be.
Friday, June 18, 2004
Enjoy Your Meal, Sir!
What a great day to start the end of the work-week!
I went to McDonald's with two of my friends to grab something to eat. After ordering and getting what I ordered for, my friend, who was behind me, took his turn to order.
"One Raging Chicken Burger."
"Sir, I'm sorry, we don't serve that until after 10 am. We only serve breakfast at this time."
"OK, then. Never mind."
And so he turned his back and we were about to leave when...
"Thank you sir! Enjoy your meal!"
What the hell was that? What meal is there to enjoy? Raging Air Burger? Is everything in McDonald's pre-programmed? I mean, it really gave me a good laugh, and on a Friday morning! It's like how they say, "Twenty, your change sir!" Doesn't it sound weird? They could say, "Your change sir is twenty... one... two... three....... twenty! Thank you sir, enjoy your meal!"
We did ENJOY our walk back to the office sans the meal. Thanks to the robotesque cashiers of McDonald's.
I went to McDonald's with two of my friends to grab something to eat. After ordering and getting what I ordered for, my friend, who was behind me, took his turn to order.
"One Raging Chicken Burger."
"Sir, I'm sorry, we don't serve that until after 10 am. We only serve breakfast at this time."
"OK, then. Never mind."
And so he turned his back and we were about to leave when...
"Thank you sir! Enjoy your meal!"
What the hell was that? What meal is there to enjoy? Raging Air Burger? Is everything in McDonald's pre-programmed? I mean, it really gave me a good laugh, and on a Friday morning! It's like how they say, "Twenty, your change sir!" Doesn't it sound weird? They could say, "Your change sir is twenty... one... two... three....... twenty! Thank you sir, enjoy your meal!"
We did ENJOY our walk back to the office sans the meal. Thanks to the robotesque cashiers of McDonald's.
Weaoua!!!
About two nights back, I had a three-hour badminton game, which ended in exhaustion and... yup, starvation. I was so hungry that night I might have eaten 5 big macs in one go!
So I went with a couple of friends to a 24-hour Chinese restaurant and I ate quite a lot: tofu, lemon chicken, still more tofu, some japanese dimsum... it was really a heavy dinner. And to top all that, I had two kettles, not cups, of house tea. I felt so bloated it seemed that I gained 60 pounds that night. Talk about waste! I just let 3 hours of good exercise flow down the drain of food trip!
And so I went home, feeling all chub chub once again ("The light is so beautiful, mommy! I'm being drawn closer to the light!). And as if my conscience and self-determination were both asleep that day, probably too exhausted from the game, I ate some spring rolls which I saw on our dining table... They were waiting for me! They welcomed me with such grandeur that I wasn't able to resist their cries for acceptance. After those spring rolls, I figured I needed some fiber. So I downed 4 oranges. FOUR ORANGES!!! By that time, I really felt like I was about to explode!
Hmmmm... At that time, I thought to myself, "Why not do a little Bulimic Experiment? How does it feel like to be bulimic?" So I locked myself in the toilet for like ages, tickling my throat with my finger (I am just wondering how those blow jobbing queers and queens to so without having that gag reflex), excreting a few mL of saliva every now and then... until finally...
"Weaoua!!!"
Yep, that is the funny sound I make whenever I do get to vomit (which is not that often). I succeeded in making myself puke! I am now a certified bulimic! Hahahaha.... And it actually felt good! So I tried it again, because I felt that there were way too much foodstuff in my system at that time. In fact I tried it three times! The thing is, after the third go, it didn't feel nice anymore! I didn't like the taste of acid regurgitating in my throat... nor the fluid that goes back to my nasal passage... nor the sight of my last meal mashed together and plopping like blobs of bird droppings on the toilet bowl.
I needed to jam with Mar again... I needed her badly! Who cares if my parents are asleep in the other room? Who cares if the house will stink of Mar's essence? Who cares if... well, I guess everybody's asleep that time so I just snuck out of the house and reminisce the ups and downs of my bulimic experience.
So I went with a couple of friends to a 24-hour Chinese restaurant and I ate quite a lot: tofu, lemon chicken, still more tofu, some japanese dimsum... it was really a heavy dinner. And to top all that, I had two kettles, not cups, of house tea. I felt so bloated it seemed that I gained 60 pounds that night. Talk about waste! I just let 3 hours of good exercise flow down the drain of food trip!
And so I went home, feeling all chub chub once again ("The light is so beautiful, mommy! I'm being drawn closer to the light!). And as if my conscience and self-determination were both asleep that day, probably too exhausted from the game, I ate some spring rolls which I saw on our dining table... They were waiting for me! They welcomed me with such grandeur that I wasn't able to resist their cries for acceptance. After those spring rolls, I figured I needed some fiber. So I downed 4 oranges. FOUR ORANGES!!! By that time, I really felt like I was about to explode!
Hmmmm... At that time, I thought to myself, "Why not do a little Bulimic Experiment? How does it feel like to be bulimic?" So I locked myself in the toilet for like ages, tickling my throat with my finger (I am just wondering how those blow jobbing queers and queens to so without having that gag reflex), excreting a few mL of saliva every now and then... until finally...
"Weaoua!!!"
Yep, that is the funny sound I make whenever I do get to vomit (which is not that often). I succeeded in making myself puke! I am now a certified bulimic! Hahahaha.... And it actually felt good! So I tried it again, because I felt that there were way too much foodstuff in my system at that time. In fact I tried it three times! The thing is, after the third go, it didn't feel nice anymore! I didn't like the taste of acid regurgitating in my throat... nor the fluid that goes back to my nasal passage... nor the sight of my last meal mashed together and plopping like blobs of bird droppings on the toilet bowl.
I needed to jam with Mar again... I needed her badly! Who cares if my parents are asleep in the other room? Who cares if the house will stink of Mar's essence? Who cares if... well, I guess everybody's asleep that time so I just snuck out of the house and reminisce the ups and downs of my bulimic experience.
Tuesday, June 15, 2004
I'm on Drugs
I have been swamped by questions on how I got slimmer lately. No, I'm not bragging about my weight loss. In fact, I still need to lose around 20-30 pounds more to be able to reach my ideal weight. It's just that I was so humongous before (at a whopping 235 pounds in a 5'6" frame) that people just couldn't believe I was able to do it. Maybe because I had lingered in that weight range for so long that is why many deem me a hopeless case.
Some of my close friend who I haven't seen for about a month went as far as accusing me of taking Bangkok Pills, phentermine, ephedra, and all the weight loss regimens. Unfortunatley, I couldn't take any of those supplements (or drugs) because of a family history of heart disease, not to mention occasional palpitations, which I dare not mention to my doctor (otherwise, it will be bye-bye Mar). Besides, these pills cost quite a sum of money, which, incidentally, I don't have much of.
Other close friends have branded me as anorexic. How can I be when I still binge every now and then (think smorgasborg) and eat ice cream by the pint? My wallet may be anorexic, with the very limited inflow of cash and unlimited outflow of it.
The formula for me is simple. I started with a no-rice regimen. All that I take in are just viands, with occasional helping of bread and pasta on the side. It is not really Atkin's Diet because I still have my weekly dose of carbs.
The next phase was when I swore sodas off from my system. Yup, not even Diet Coke. I used to believe that drinking Diet Coke is ok, since it is only "one calorie, sugar free, Diet Coca-Cola!" My friend told me otherwise. From then on, I saw my weight decrease rather drastically.
And then I started engaging myself in badminton. I would have at least three two-hour session in a week. If I get lucky, I'd play four times. I was really determined to sweat all the fat off. Besides, I really do enjoy the game, it being a social sport and all. I got in touch with my high school friends, bonded more with my cousins, and widened my circle of office friends through this weight-loss sport. It is just so unfortunate that many birds had to die just to make me lose weight (poor birds).
About a few weeks back, another friend introduced me to the idea of going to the gym. I go to the gym now when I don't have badminton games to attend to. I don't lift weights... I just use the treadmill and the stationary bike most of the time, and a few minutes are spent in the crunch machine each session. Adn the most relaxing part of all -- the sauna. I really like the feel of perspiring a lot after a long workout.
So that is what I did, and still do, to lose weight. I am just not sure how long I need to do these things before I do reach my ideal weight. However, I won't be stopping these activities once I do get there. I need to maintain my weight and feel good about myself for life. As my friends said, losing weight the effective way is by changing my lifestyle as a whole.
It's quite a long talk if I have to say all of these things to the people who ask me how I lost weight. Now, whenever someone poses that question to me, I simply say, "I'm on drugs!"
Some of my close friend who I haven't seen for about a month went as far as accusing me of taking Bangkok Pills, phentermine, ephedra, and all the weight loss regimens. Unfortunatley, I couldn't take any of those supplements (or drugs) because of a family history of heart disease, not to mention occasional palpitations, which I dare not mention to my doctor (otherwise, it will be bye-bye Mar). Besides, these pills cost quite a sum of money, which, incidentally, I don't have much of.
Other close friends have branded me as anorexic. How can I be when I still binge every now and then (think smorgasborg) and eat ice cream by the pint? My wallet may be anorexic, with the very limited inflow of cash and unlimited outflow of it.
The formula for me is simple. I started with a no-rice regimen. All that I take in are just viands, with occasional helping of bread and pasta on the side. It is not really Atkin's Diet because I still have my weekly dose of carbs.
The next phase was when I swore sodas off from my system. Yup, not even Diet Coke. I used to believe that drinking Diet Coke is ok, since it is only "one calorie, sugar free, Diet Coca-Cola!" My friend told me otherwise. From then on, I saw my weight decrease rather drastically.
And then I started engaging myself in badminton. I would have at least three two-hour session in a week. If I get lucky, I'd play four times. I was really determined to sweat all the fat off. Besides, I really do enjoy the game, it being a social sport and all. I got in touch with my high school friends, bonded more with my cousins, and widened my circle of office friends through this weight-loss sport. It is just so unfortunate that many birds had to die just to make me lose weight (poor birds).
About a few weeks back, another friend introduced me to the idea of going to the gym. I go to the gym now when I don't have badminton games to attend to. I don't lift weights... I just use the treadmill and the stationary bike most of the time, and a few minutes are spent in the crunch machine each session. Adn the most relaxing part of all -- the sauna. I really like the feel of perspiring a lot after a long workout.
So that is what I did, and still do, to lose weight. I am just not sure how long I need to do these things before I do reach my ideal weight. However, I won't be stopping these activities once I do get there. I need to maintain my weight and feel good about myself for life. As my friends said, losing weight the effective way is by changing my lifestyle as a whole.
It's quite a long talk if I have to say all of these things to the people who ask me how I lost weight. Now, whenever someone poses that question to me, I simply say, "I'm on drugs!"
Monday, June 14, 2004
This: A Point In Case
Talk about a fast weekend. I almost didn't feel it. Imagine, having to go on overtime on a Saturday for nothing, and playing 3 hours of badminton on a Sunday... My weekend was totally exhausting.
Before I went to bed last night, I was actually thinking of how great this week might turn out. I was looking forward to doing things that will be extraordinarilly fun, of being with people whose company I really enjoy, of being able to be with my jamming-mate Mar. But as they say, don't count your eggs before they are in one basket. I hope I got that right (wink*wink).
Fortune of fortunes, I never thought that I would be starting this week with a few disappoinments... disappointing cases that will alter the course of this week forever.
Case in Point #1: The Co-worker
I mentioned that last Saturday, instead of doing something, I ended up doing nothing. All because of a co-worker, whose work happens to be a precedent of mine. After agreeing to at last do the work on Monday morning, I came in only to find out that the work can't be done until the afternoon. This is efficiency at work... On the brighter side, at least I now have enough time for blog.
Case in Point #2: The Vanishing Finances
I just got my salary last Saturday and it is depleting like methanol exposed to air. What's more, I found out that my special group of "friends" are planning a trip to Hong Kong by next week, and I cannot do anything but watch them plan for their weekend getaway in dismay. Of course, I can't join them, with my few bucks left to be stretched for the entire month. Besides, I have tons of loans to pay (priceless). I can't blame them if they want to have fun. And I can't dictate upon them to wait until such time that I do get enough money to join them for the trip. So what if they want to leave without me? This only means more blogging time for me, right?
Case in Point #3: The Dying Voice
Over the weekend, I saw to it that I practiced karaoke at home to prepare for Tuesday night. Unfortunately, the karaoke night has been cancelled and I am left with no choice but to sing in the shower again. Alas, no one will be able to hear my Mondegreens and soulful rendition of She Bangs a la William Hung this week. I dunno, but it seems like I'll be doing a He Bangs this week... He Bangs his head on the wall too hard he died. At least I have Tuesday night for blogging again.
It was really good that I was able to watch Titanic last night. At least I don't feel like I'm the only one who's sinking. "Promise me Rose, you're going to hold on. Hold on to that promise. You're gonna be an old woman and have many babies. You're not going to die here, not tonight."
I know it's too early in the week to wallow in disappointment. But who can help it? If your environment is as murky as mine, you'd be a fish swimming in the most polluted waters in the world! "Where's the lucky fin?" I'd probably be screamin' "What lucky fin are you talking about? I'm a hermaphroditic fish! Half fish and half clam!" Now that's just angst talking.
Before I went to bed last night, I was actually thinking of how great this week might turn out. I was looking forward to doing things that will be extraordinarilly fun, of being with people whose company I really enjoy, of being able to be with my jamming-mate Mar. But as they say, don't count your eggs before they are in one basket. I hope I got that right (wink*wink).
Fortune of fortunes, I never thought that I would be starting this week with a few disappoinments... disappointing cases that will alter the course of this week forever.
Case in Point #1: The Co-worker
I mentioned that last Saturday, instead of doing something, I ended up doing nothing. All because of a co-worker, whose work happens to be a precedent of mine. After agreeing to at last do the work on Monday morning, I came in only to find out that the work can't be done until the afternoon. This is efficiency at work... On the brighter side, at least I now have enough time for blog.
Case in Point #2: The Vanishing Finances
I just got my salary last Saturday and it is depleting like methanol exposed to air. What's more, I found out that my special group of "friends" are planning a trip to Hong Kong by next week, and I cannot do anything but watch them plan for their weekend getaway in dismay. Of course, I can't join them, with my few bucks left to be stretched for the entire month. Besides, I have tons of loans to pay (priceless). I can't blame them if they want to have fun. And I can't dictate upon them to wait until such time that I do get enough money to join them for the trip. So what if they want to leave without me? This only means more blogging time for me, right?
Case in Point #3: The Dying Voice
Over the weekend, I saw to it that I practiced karaoke at home to prepare for Tuesday night. Unfortunately, the karaoke night has been cancelled and I am left with no choice but to sing in the shower again. Alas, no one will be able to hear my Mondegreens and soulful rendition of She Bangs a la William Hung this week. I dunno, but it seems like I'll be doing a He Bangs this week... He Bangs his head on the wall too hard he died. At least I have Tuesday night for blogging again.
It was really good that I was able to watch Titanic last night. At least I don't feel like I'm the only one who's sinking. "Promise me Rose, you're going to hold on. Hold on to that promise. You're gonna be an old woman and have many babies. You're not going to die here, not tonight."
I know it's too early in the week to wallow in disappointment. But who can help it? If your environment is as murky as mine, you'd be a fish swimming in the most polluted waters in the world! "Where's the lucky fin?" I'd probably be screamin' "What lucky fin are you talking about? I'm a hermaphroditic fish! Half fish and half clam!" Now that's just angst talking.
The Cliffhanger
Have you ever seen that movie where Sylvester Stallone frantically tries to save somebody from falling off a cliff (or an icy edge of a mountain)? Well, I haven't. But I heard the title is Cliffhanger. It was so humorously parodied in the movie Ace Ventura, Pet Detective, when Mr. Ventura actually tried to save a raccoon, to no avail. Pitiful movie.
Well, this story of mine had nothing to do with those movies. Hahahaha... Talk about silly beginnings... I have a cliffhanger story of my own, and it doesn't involve mountains. It involves a little something that I won't mention until later.
I was having tea this afternoon with my cousin and his friend. We were laughing our hearts out until he pointed out that I had a cliffhanger. I really didn't have any idea what he meant by that. It was quite cryptic for me until he made a small gesture. I bet you can guess what I am talking about by this time. This is later.
I asked him what he meant by the cliffhanger, and he pointed straight at his nostril. Imagine my embarassment, and in front of his friend! So now I know that cliffhanger=exposed booger. Man, oh man! I can still feel blood rushing to my face out of shame.
At least no one else saw my little cliffhanger. Or so I think... I talked with a lot of people the entire day and I really am not sure how long my little friend had been clinging on to his precious life. Maybe they thought it was a protruding mole. Or maybe a green tumor. Or maybe... whatever. One thing is for sure, though. I'll never look at Sylvester Stallone the same way again.
Well, this story of mine had nothing to do with those movies. Hahahaha... Talk about silly beginnings... I have a cliffhanger story of my own, and it doesn't involve mountains. It involves a little something that I won't mention until later.
I was having tea this afternoon with my cousin and his friend. We were laughing our hearts out until he pointed out that I had a cliffhanger. I really didn't have any idea what he meant by that. It was quite cryptic for me until he made a small gesture. I bet you can guess what I am talking about by this time. This is later.
I asked him what he meant by the cliffhanger, and he pointed straight at his nostril. Imagine my embarassment, and in front of his friend! So now I know that cliffhanger=exposed booger. Man, oh man! I can still feel blood rushing to my face out of shame.
At least no one else saw my little cliffhanger. Or so I think... I talked with a lot of people the entire day and I really am not sure how long my little friend had been clinging on to his precious life. Maybe they thought it was a protruding mole. Or maybe a green tumor. Or maybe... whatever. One thing is for sure, though. I'll never look at Sylvester Stallone the same way again.
Why Blog?
What really is a blog? Why blog?
To be quite frank, I really don't know what blog means and why I came up with one of my own. It was just a heaven-sent answer to my persistent narcoleptic attacks in the office. Probably that's why it's called blog. Like, when heaven sent it, it dropped right in front of my face with a sound, "BLOG!"
Or blog could possibly be the sound I make whenever my head falls on my desk after each narcoleptic attack. Take for instance the other day. I was typing something when my eyelids started to fall... and then.... BLOG! I bumped my head on my desk.
Or blog could probably just be the sound I make whenever I fall off my chair after reading some blog postings in another site (http://orangeexpress.blogspot.com). Now this blogger is very hilarious, I should say. And with my weight, there is no doubt I would be making that "BLOG" sound after hitting the floor.
Or blog could probably be the person writing blogs... In the Filipino vernacular, blog sounds a lot like kalog, itlog, bilog, uhog, words that may mean nothing to many people, but may otherwise be very descriptive of me.
Whatever blog means, I am having fun right now, wracking my fingers like hell, feeding this computer with random thoughts and random words before I fall to sleeeeeeppppppppppppppppppp.............................BLOG!
To be quite frank, I really don't know what blog means and why I came up with one of my own. It was just a heaven-sent answer to my persistent narcoleptic attacks in the office. Probably that's why it's called blog. Like, when heaven sent it, it dropped right in front of my face with a sound, "BLOG!"
Or blog could possibly be the sound I make whenever my head falls on my desk after each narcoleptic attack. Take for instance the other day. I was typing something when my eyelids started to fall... and then.... BLOG! I bumped my head on my desk.
Or blog could probably just be the sound I make whenever I fall off my chair after reading some blog postings in another site (http://orangeexpress.blogspot.com). Now this blogger is very hilarious, I should say. And with my weight, there is no doubt I would be making that "BLOG" sound after hitting the floor.
Or blog could probably be the person writing blogs... In the Filipino vernacular, blog sounds a lot like kalog, itlog, bilog, uhog, words that may mean nothing to many people, but may otherwise be very descriptive of me.
Whatever blog means, I am having fun right now, wracking my fingers like hell, feeding this computer with random thoughts and random words before I fall to sleeeeeeppppppppppppppppppp.............................BLOG!
Friday, June 11, 2004
Wedding Bells and Separation Spells
I just had "lunch" with a classmate of mine in Graduate School. Of course, when I say lunch, I mean my usual noon dose of nicotine and carbon monoxide and other harmful toxins. Now, this particular friend of mine got hitched last December, and fortunately or unfortunately, they have no child yet (Hmmm.... should I rephrase that to she isn't pregnant yet?). I asked her why and she said that it's all because she still has school, and, if added with a dash of child rearing, will definitely cause her life to go haywire.
I also asked her how the first few months of their married life had been. She replied that sometimes, she wanted to ask permission from her husband if she could go back to her mother's place.
Which brings me to another story about another friend who just got separated from her husband of a few years. I asked why, and her reply was quite astonishing, or amusing, or... I dunno, I actually have mixed emotions about it. "It just didn't work. There is no love there."
Mushy, huh?
Anyway, it got my mind thinking again about my own love life (which, as of my latest tally, still at ZERO). Do I really ever want to get married? Will the girl I marry be there til death do us part? How long will we last if we do part ways?
I don't hear wedding bells in my near future, not just yet. Hopefully, I will be able to find her and experience the ups and downs of married life some time in the future. But hey, wait a minute, Mr. Postman! Before I think about getting hitched, I need to check on my financial status first! Well, uh, bank account... zero; home savings... zero; mastery of poverty... priceless.
In any case, I have my future ahead of me (who doesn't? That's why it's called the future because it is ahead, dumb ass!). Who knows, I might win the next American Idol title and get enough record deals to get enough funds for settling down. Hmmm.... if only I could get a girlfriend before that time comes.
I also asked her how the first few months of their married life had been. She replied that sometimes, she wanted to ask permission from her husband if she could go back to her mother's place.
Which brings me to another story about another friend who just got separated from her husband of a few years. I asked why, and her reply was quite astonishing, or amusing, or... I dunno, I actually have mixed emotions about it. "It just didn't work. There is no love there."
Mushy, huh?
Anyway, it got my mind thinking again about my own love life (which, as of my latest tally, still at ZERO). Do I really ever want to get married? Will the girl I marry be there til death do us part? How long will we last if we do part ways?
I don't hear wedding bells in my near future, not just yet. Hopefully, I will be able to find her and experience the ups and downs of married life some time in the future. But hey, wait a minute, Mr. Postman! Before I think about getting hitched, I need to check on my financial status first! Well, uh, bank account... zero; home savings... zero; mastery of poverty... priceless.
In any case, I have my future ahead of me (who doesn't? That's why it's called the future because it is ahead, dumb ass!). Who knows, I might win the next American Idol title and get enough record deals to get enough funds for settling down. Hmmm.... if only I could get a girlfriend before that time comes.
The Ice Man and the Kink
I need to keep myself busy.
For a reason I don't understand, it has been a week now in this office, and it seems that there is very sporadic work to be done (I am speaking for myself here). The environmental conditions don't help a bit as the air conditioner blasts the Siberian wind on my small igloo. I feel my hand getting numb by the nanosecond, hence, I need to write something in this spot of mine just to keep the blood flowing in my fingers.
It really is so damn cold. I don't know, but I guess my mind is just numb from this cold as well... Thoughts of burning the books I have beside me just to generate heat run through my frozen mind right now. Or I could ask someone to give me natural body heat... now isn't that something? If only someone here was kinky enough...
Hmmmm.... Kinky. I've always thought that when you say someone is kinky, that someone is very curly, as in African curly. I am just wondering how it was related to someone who is sexily flirtatious. The possibilities could be endless, although I have some postulates in mind. It might be possible that kinky evolved from the word pinky, which practically describes the color of, well, you name it. I mean, many men find pink body parts very attractive. However, since pinky might mean pinky finger, it was changed to kinky, which is also descriptive of the strands of you know what down there (have you ever seen straight ones? Come on!).
Whew! That was something! At least, now, I feel a little warmth surging through me. Now, I have to look for something else to do. Excuse me.
For a reason I don't understand, it has been a week now in this office, and it seems that there is very sporadic work to be done (I am speaking for myself here). The environmental conditions don't help a bit as the air conditioner blasts the Siberian wind on my small igloo. I feel my hand getting numb by the nanosecond, hence, I need to write something in this spot of mine just to keep the blood flowing in my fingers.
It really is so damn cold. I don't know, but I guess my mind is just numb from this cold as well... Thoughts of burning the books I have beside me just to generate heat run through my frozen mind right now. Or I could ask someone to give me natural body heat... now isn't that something? If only someone here was kinky enough...
Hmmmm.... Kinky. I've always thought that when you say someone is kinky, that someone is very curly, as in African curly. I am just wondering how it was related to someone who is sexily flirtatious. The possibilities could be endless, although I have some postulates in mind. It might be possible that kinky evolved from the word pinky, which practically describes the color of, well, you name it. I mean, many men find pink body parts very attractive. However, since pinky might mean pinky finger, it was changed to kinky, which is also descriptive of the strands of you know what down there (have you ever seen straight ones? Come on!).
Whew! That was something! At least, now, I feel a little warmth surging through me. Now, I have to look for something else to do. Excuse me.
Living on a Twenty
What do you do with a 20?
I was just planning how I would be spending my day tomorrow and noticed that I only have a 20 in my billfold. Yup, it's quite a lot... if you lived in the 1800s. Now, two questions are hogging my grey matter: How do I get more money to survive tomorrow, and, in the event that I don't get more money, how do I survive on a 20?
In a society where everything needs to be bought, a 20 will never go a long way... if you are not creative enough. Here is a list of strategic plans I have concocted to actually stretch my 20 to its limits:
1. Travel to the office... hitch with my sister (Free)
2. Work til noon... (Free)
3. Smoke a few cigs... ask from my buddies (Free)
4. Have lunch... or might as well look at people having lunch (Free)
5. Work until 5... (Free)
6. Work out in the gym... (Free)
7. Travel going home... (15)
A second alternative for item 7 is hitch a ride with some people (Again, Free!).
Now, considering that I have already laid out a plan for tomorrow, it is quite obvious that I may not be able to spend anything the entire day. One question bothers me though. How am I going to spend my 20?
I was just planning how I would be spending my day tomorrow and noticed that I only have a 20 in my billfold. Yup, it's quite a lot... if you lived in the 1800s. Now, two questions are hogging my grey matter: How do I get more money to survive tomorrow, and, in the event that I don't get more money, how do I survive on a 20?
In a society where everything needs to be bought, a 20 will never go a long way... if you are not creative enough. Here is a list of strategic plans I have concocted to actually stretch my 20 to its limits:
1. Travel to the office... hitch with my sister (Free)
2. Work til noon... (Free)
3. Smoke a few cigs... ask from my buddies (Free)
4. Have lunch... or might as well look at people having lunch (Free)
5. Work until 5... (Free)
6. Work out in the gym... (Free)
7. Travel going home... (15)
A second alternative for item 7 is hitch a ride with some people (Again, Free!).
Now, considering that I have already laid out a plan for tomorrow, it is quite obvious that I may not be able to spend anything the entire day. One question bothers me though. How am I going to spend my 20?
Thursday, June 10, 2004
A Comedy of Errors
I woke up this morning with a quirky smirk on my face. I don't really know why. Maybe because I ended yesterday with thoughts on misheard lyrics, or mondegreens. One of my all-time favorites is that of the Whitney Houston hit, The Greatest Love of All. Imagine hearing this melody in your mind... "I decided long ago, never to walk with Edu Manzano, if I fail, if I'm sixteen, at least I live as I believe..."
Imagine my amazement when my good friend forwarded the kissthisguy.com URL to me this morning and found out that there are a whole lot more misheard lyrics throughout the globe. It really had me rolling with laughter (at least I was rolling on the floor in my mind).
And then there it was, staring me right on the face... an email from our HR manager. Imagine my shock when I read that one of the managers was supposed to handle a new personnel, "once she is ready." It was so shockingly funny, I almost fell off my seat. Imagine a manager for decades not being ready to handle a new staff. And the funnier thing is that the same HR Manager sent another email with all of the information from the first email still intact except for that portion on the Manager's readiness. Discreetly done!
Life is just full of surprises--surprises that get funnier by the second. I bet you have your own Mondegreens and email booboos too. This is, after all, a perfect world... a paerfectly funny world. I'll leave you with a few mondegreens (hint: search for the origin of this term, you will be quite amused) gathered from my friends...
Say you, say we, say it together (Say You, Say Me)
Looks like a lady (Looks like we made it... from You're Still the One)
Why do you build me up? Barnacle, baby just to let me down (Build me up, buttercup)
Do you have to, do you have to lick your finger (Linger)
You know I've got some food for you (Linger)
Like a knight in shining armor, tamalong tamago (Glory of Love)
Mirror, mirror I wish you collide to me (Mirror, Mirror)
Imagine my amazement when my good friend forwarded the kissthisguy.com URL to me this morning and found out that there are a whole lot more misheard lyrics throughout the globe. It really had me rolling with laughter (at least I was rolling on the floor in my mind).
And then there it was, staring me right on the face... an email from our HR manager. Imagine my shock when I read that one of the managers was supposed to handle a new personnel, "once she is ready." It was so shockingly funny, I almost fell off my seat. Imagine a manager for decades not being ready to handle a new staff. And the funnier thing is that the same HR Manager sent another email with all of the information from the first email still intact except for that portion on the Manager's readiness. Discreetly done!
Life is just full of surprises--surprises that get funnier by the second. I bet you have your own Mondegreens and email booboos too. This is, after all, a perfect world... a paerfectly funny world. I'll leave you with a few mondegreens (hint: search for the origin of this term, you will be quite amused) gathered from my friends...
Say you, say we, say it together (Say You, Say Me)
Looks like a lady (Looks like we made it... from You're Still the One)
Why do you build me up? Barnacle, baby just to let me down (Build me up, buttercup)
Do you have to, do you have to lick your finger (Linger)
You know I've got some food for you (Linger)
Like a knight in shining armor, tamalong tamago (Glory of Love)
Mirror, mirror I wish you collide to me (Mirror, Mirror)
Wednesday, June 09, 2004
Life is a Guessing Game
I have just noticed how I end my posts with sentences starting with "I guess" or with that phrase being somewhere in that sentence. It is just funny how it reflects my views in life, that life is nothing but a guessing game. You will never really know what you are going to get, how you will be feeling tomorrow, who you are going to meet. One thing is for sure, though. I will be guessing more stuff about my future in the days to come.
Photographs of Me
I have been staring at a few photographs of myself here in my desktop for quite a few minutes now and I can't help but wonder why I am so egotistical in my ways. I seem to be fascinated by the way I look, by the changes that I have undergone (diet and badminton did that for me), and many other things about me. But then I start to look deeper into each photograph and I noticed that it's either I am the only one on it, or I am with a group of friends. Not one, zero, nada, not one of these pictures showed me with someone that I like, someone I could cuddle with in a cold, rainy night.
It is a sad fact that I am still single... and it is being reflected strongly in these photographs that I am looking at. It is unfortunate to be single at my age, considering that the male species are said to do the hunting. If I had lived several thousands of years back, I wouldn't have survived the Ice Age, simply because hunting is a game of survival of the fittest and the wittiest. And that is actually what I am looking at now. Smiles of a caveman frozen in ice. Each smile radiates a certain something that is quite ironic... something melancholic... a smile that exhudes loneliness. Behind the twinkling, chinky eyes are expressions of melodrama.
But why be sad? I know that sooner or later, I will learn the game well enough to bag a "hunted" of my own. It will just be a matter of time before I will have someone to cuddle with, someone to kiss, someone to share fun memories with... memories that can only be captured in the film of my memory and not by some silly photograph that I will stare at when I have nothing to do. For now, I guess I will just have to wait.
It is a sad fact that I am still single... and it is being reflected strongly in these photographs that I am looking at. It is unfortunate to be single at my age, considering that the male species are said to do the hunting. If I had lived several thousands of years back, I wouldn't have survived the Ice Age, simply because hunting is a game of survival of the fittest and the wittiest. And that is actually what I am looking at now. Smiles of a caveman frozen in ice. Each smile radiates a certain something that is quite ironic... something melancholic... a smile that exhudes loneliness. Behind the twinkling, chinky eyes are expressions of melodrama.
But why be sad? I know that sooner or later, I will learn the game well enough to bag a "hunted" of my own. It will just be a matter of time before I will have someone to cuddle with, someone to kiss, someone to share fun memories with... memories that can only be captured in the film of my memory and not by some silly photograph that I will stare at when I have nothing to do. For now, I guess I will just have to wait.
Idle Mind, Idle Hands
It is a day of being idle. It seems that I haven't done anything purposeful today except come up with this blog. Funny because there are tons of things to do and I can't seem to get my idle hands and idle mind to do something meaningful.
Somewhere in my bloodstream, I can feel the urge that I need something to consume... this comes after my eventful snack of Tortillos, a chocolate bar called Safari, a bag of cashew nuts, and a pack of crackers. Damn! And to think I'm trying to lose about 30 pounds. Is someone out there pregnant who just happened to brush off her cravings on my poor dieting self? Or, as my medical examination results so erroneously put it, maybe I am pregnant! Now that is a first, that is, in the family. Hahaha... Come to think of it, I may look like a pregnant male simply because I am artistically round.
At least, for some time there, my jaws weren't as idle as my mind and my hands. They say that this is probably just the calm before the storm. The thing I am fearing most is that tomorrow, I might be swamped with work, both school work and work work. But until then, I guess I'll just let my hand bask in the idleness of the afternoon and my mind travel in the universe that I aptly call the void.
Somewhere in my bloodstream, I can feel the urge that I need something to consume... this comes after my eventful snack of Tortillos, a chocolate bar called Safari, a bag of cashew nuts, and a pack of crackers. Damn! And to think I'm trying to lose about 30 pounds. Is someone out there pregnant who just happened to brush off her cravings on my poor dieting self? Or, as my medical examination results so erroneously put it, maybe I am pregnant! Now that is a first, that is, in the family. Hahaha... Come to think of it, I may look like a pregnant male simply because I am artistically round.
At least, for some time there, my jaws weren't as idle as my mind and my hands. They say that this is probably just the calm before the storm. The thing I am fearing most is that tomorrow, I might be swamped with work, both school work and work work. But until then, I guess I'll just let my hand bask in the idleness of the afternoon and my mind travel in the universe that I aptly call the void.
Through Smoky Air
And so it was that I spent another lunch out with my best friend, Mar L. Boro. Nothing much has changed since the last time we jammed, except that she has regenerated into this practically new being. Ha! And to think I already threw her ashes into the river Nile just last night. Talk about speedy recovery.
What makes Mar unique is that she is able to relay to me a message that no one else can relay well enough--that one day soon, I'm going to end up in ashes, or dust, whatever you want to call it. Believe me, jamming with Mar is very liberating. Yeah, you could say that she is the "air that I breathe."
It just passed my mind a few seconds ago... when do I actually part ways with my best friend? After all, nothing in this world is constant but change. Will I be suffering from separation anxiety both physically and emotionally? I hate to break the news to you but I don't see this happening in the near future. Not just yet. Until then, I guess I'll just be enjoying my lunch outs with this chick, and a few others who have enjoyed Mar's company to the butt.
What makes Mar unique is that she is able to relay to me a message that no one else can relay well enough--that one day soon, I'm going to end up in ashes, or dust, whatever you want to call it. Believe me, jamming with Mar is very liberating. Yeah, you could say that she is the "air that I breathe."
It just passed my mind a few seconds ago... when do I actually part ways with my best friend? After all, nothing in this world is constant but change. Will I be suffering from separation anxiety both physically and emotionally? I hate to break the news to you but I don't see this happening in the near future. Not just yet. Until then, I guess I'll just be enjoying my lunch outs with this chick, and a few others who have enjoyed Mar's company to the butt.
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