Kill Phil vol. 2

There are several ways to skin a cat, so goes a cliche. There are also several ways to kill Phil. So, who really is Phil?

Remember the roach who shared the shower with me? Well, let's just say that she has a friend whom I shall name Phil. This morning, as I was gloriously sitting in my throne room (remember my throne room from hell?), I saw him, prancing his way around the chamber, not fearing what would happen to his dear life.

I am not scared of roaches, nor do I find them icky. I just hate them when they crawl on my skin. Fortunately this morning, nothing of that sort happened. In the event, however, that Phil charged at me, I was prepared for battle!

If there is one thing I have mastered in my many years of existence, it is the art of killing roaches. So how exactly do you kill Phil? Here are some proposed ways:

Traditional ways:

1. Crush him with a slipper.
2. Swat him with a rolled newspaper.
3. Step on him
4. Spray mega doses of insectide on him until he falters and goes into a coma and then death.

Non-traditional ways:

1. Pour mega doses of alcohol on the wretched beast.
2. Dump toothpaste on him. This will immobilize him to death.
3. Pour shampoo (the thicker and creamier, the better) on the imp. This will immobilize him and will immobilize his wings (yes, roaches do fly).
4. Lure him in the toilet water and flush him all the way down.
5. Pour huge amounts of water on him until he flips over and can't stand up. He will die in this position if unmoved for several days.
6. Pour hot water on him.

I have tried all these methods and all of them work. Fortunately for me, and for Phil, he didn't charge at me. He danced a little more around my throne room until he quietly slipped off in a small crack near the sink.

Kill Phil plan aborted. For now....